Husband Wife Humour

Lol !!!! A small argument between a couple turns violent.

Husband says: Don't let the animal in me come out.

Wife replies: Who's afraid of a mouse!!!

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 Always keep your spouse's picture as mobile screen saver. Whenever you

face a problem, see the picture & say: if I can handle this, I can

handle anything!… Superb Attitude for Life!!

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 If wife wants husband's attention, she just has to look sad &

uncomfortable.

If husband wants wife's attention, he just has to look comfortable & happy.

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A Philosopher HUSBAND said:- Every WIFE is a 'Mistress' of her Husband…

"Miss" for first year & "Stress" for rest of the life…

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 Million Dollar Truth:

If Saturday and Sunday Don't Excite You, then change your Friends.

If Monday doesn't motivate you, then change your profession.

If Monday is too exciting, and you are dying to get to work then you

should change your spouse!!

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 Do you remember the tingling feeling when you took the decision to get

married? That was common sense leaving your body.

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Generally a man does not go to the place again where he has been cheated

once…

But many people still go to their in-laws place..????

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 Pappu: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for annual day! Dad:

What role are you playing? Pappu: A husband! Dad: Stupid, ask for a role

with dialogues!

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Man outside phone booth: "Excuse me you are holding phone since 29

minutes and you haven't spoken a word".

Man inside: "i am talking to my wife"

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 A very intelligent girl was asked the meaning of marriage.. She said-

"sacrificing the admiration of hundred guys, to face the criticism of

one idiot"

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 Position of a husband is just like a Split AC, No matter how loud he is

outdoor, He is designed to remain silent indoor!

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 Best one line ad by a married man on eBay For Sale – Wedding Suit, used

only once by Mistake……

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Listening To your Wife…is like reading terms & conditions of a website.

You understand nothing but still click on "I AGREE"

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 The sweetest msg -

Husband to wife : U should learn to embrace ur mistakes…..

She hugged him tightly……

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just for laugh

What is "GENERATION GAP"?

Father used to walk 20 Minutes to save Rs.20/-

Son spends Rs.200/- to save 20 Minutes.

(Surprisingly both are correct...!!!)

 

 

 

If electricity goes in America, they call the power house.

In Japan, they test the fuse,

But In India, they check neighbor's  house, "sabki gayi hai naa, phir thik hai!"

 

 

 

A man goes to library and asks for a book on Suicide..........

Librarian looks at him n says: "Bhai wapas kaun dene aayega???"

 

 

GRANDFATHER TO GRANDSON:

Go hide! Your teacher is coming as you bunked school today!

GRANDSON: YOU go hide.. I told her YOU PASSED AWAY!!

 

Sister to brother: What r u going to gift grandma on her b'day?

Brother: A football

Sister: But grandma does not play!

Brother: On my b'day she gave me bhagvad gita.

 

 

सोचा तुम्हे उँगली करता चलूँ

एक दिन बाबा दरबार में बैठे थे और भक्त अपनी दुखभरी कहानियाँ सुनाकर बाबा से सलाह मांग रहे थे।

भक्त: बाबा की जय हो। बाबा मुझे कोई रास्ता दिखाओ, मेरी शादी तय नहीं हो रही, आपकी शरण में आया हूँ।

बाबा: आप काम क्या करते हो?

भक्त: शादी होने के लिए कौन सा काम करना उचित रहेगा?

बाबा: तुम मिठाई की दूकान खोल लो।

भक्त: बाबा, वो तो 30 सालों से खुली हुई है, मेरे पिताजी की मिठाई की ही दुकान है।

बाबा: शनिवार को सुबह 11 बजे दुकान खोला करो।

भक्त: शनि मंदिर के बगल में ही मेरी दूकान है और मैं रोज 11 बजे ही खोलता हूँ।

बाबा: काले रंग के कुत्ते को मिठाई खिलाया करो।

भक्त: मेरे घर दो काले कुत्ते ही है और मैं सुबह शाम उन्हें मिठाई खिलाता हूँ।

बाबा: सोमवार को मंदिर जाया करो।

भक्त: मैं केवल सोमवार ही नहीं, हर रोज मंदिर जाता हूँ। दर्शन के बगैर मैं खाने को छूता तक नहीं।

बाबा: कितने भाई बहन हो?

भक्त: बाबा आपके हिसाब से शादी तय होने के लिए कितने भाई बहन होने चाहिए?

बाबा: दो भाई एक बहन होनी चाहिए।

भक्त: बाबा, मेरे असल में दो भाई एक बहन ही है।

बाबा: दान किया करो।

भक्त: बाबा मैंने अनाथ आश्रम खोल रखा है, रोज दान करता हूँ।

बाबा: एक बार किसी तीर्थ स्थान हो आओ।

भक्त: बाबा आप के हिसाब से शादी होने के लिए कितने बार तीर्थ जाना जरुरी है?

बाबा: जिंदगी में एक बार तो जाना ही चाहिए।

भक्त: मैं तीन बार जा चूका हूँ।

बाबा: नीले रंग की शर्ट पहना करो।

भक्त: बाबा मेरे पास सिर्फ नीले रंग के ही कुर्ते हैं, कल सारे धोने के लिए दिए हैं, वापिस मिलेंगे तो सिर्फ वही पहनूंगा।

बाबा शांत होकर ध्यान करने लगते हैं।

भक्त: बाबा, एक बात कहूँ?

बाबा: हां जरूर, बोलो बेटा जो बोलना है।

भक्त: मैं पहले से ही शादी-शुदा हूँ और तीन बच्चों का बाप भी हूँ इधर से गुजर रहा था, सोचा तुम्हे उँगली करता चलूँ।

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Name	Why did the chicken cross the road?
KINDERGARTEN BOY	To get to the other side.
PLATO	For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE	It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX	It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY	Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK	To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES	Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.	I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES	And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
RICHARD M. NIXON	The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI	The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
BILL GATES	The newly released Chicken 2003, will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
DARWIN	Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN	Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference and relativity.
GEORGE BUSH	We are committed to establishing a democracy where chickens freely cross roads without oppression from terrorist organizations.
Azharuddin	I am totally innocent, you know, I'm unnecessarily being dragged into this, you know, because I'm from the minority.... . I neither know the chicken nor the road, you know....
George Fernandes	I am deeply hurt that this question is being asked after my 40 clean years of public life. I don't own a house, or a car, leave alone a chicken !!!
Mulayam	I demand a 50% reservation of the road for the chicken class, so that they can cross the road freely without their motives being questioned
ARJUN SINGH	Our policy will ensure the development of socially underprivileged chickens so that they can also cross roads.
Abdul Kalam	Yes, why did the chickens cross the road? ... Please tell me why? .. They crossed to go to the other side of the road.... Now repeat after me ....
Advani	I see Pakistani hand in this ...
Vatal Nagaraj	No Tamil or outside chickens will be allowed to cross our roads, our roads are meant only for Kanadiga chickens!.
Bal Thackarey	Chickens crossing the roads is against our culture, my followers will stone all such chickens which cross the road.
Jayalalithaa	From reliable sources I've got the information that the chicken belongs to Karunanidhi. He is making his chicken cross the road to create law & order problems. The chicken has now been imprisoned under POTA.
Amitabh Bachhan	The chicken has crossed the road?.. Are you sure.. Very sure ... Really sure...
Venkaiah Naidu	"We are very sure of the fact that the chicken did not cross the road. It's a conspiracy by the congress. The poor chicken has been made a scapegoat in this whole issue"
H.S.Surjeet	We are adopting a wait and watch policy. We have convened a meeting of the third front today. We will decide the future course of action after the chicken comes back..
Maneka Gandhi	Chicken crossed the road alone...!! If a vehicle had passed over it, we would have lost one of our dearest creatures. Ban all vehicles from using the road. Protect our chickens...
Laloo Prasad Yadav	I have introduced CHICKEN RATH, a special train for chicken so that they don't have to cross the road.
Inzaman Ul Haq	Bismillah … It was a team effort, all the boys played really well, specially Afridi.
Osama Bin Laden	Chicken will ultimately destroy the western world. Amen.
H.R. Department	It is a company policy. You will receive communication regarding this very soon.
Rahul G	We have empowered even our chickens to cross the roads.
NaMo	We will put this model of chickens crossing the roads in entire animal kingdom

 

The Stupidest Driving Laws You Never Knew Existed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.


Student: "Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?"

Professor: "Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn't be a professor, would I?"

Student: "OK. So I'd like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you can't give me the correct answer, however, you'll have to give me an "A".

Professor: "Hmmmm, alright. So what's the question?"

Student: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? "

The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can't crack the answer. Finally he gives up and changes the student's failing mark into an "A" as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.

The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all afternoon, but still can't get the answer. So finally he calls in a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really tough question to answer: "What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal? " 


To the professor's surprise (and embarrassment), all the students immediately raise their hands.


"All right" says the professor and asks his favourite student to answer


"It's quite easy, sir" says the student "You see, you are 75 years old and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. And your wife's lover failed his exam but you've just given him an "A", which is neither legal, nor logical !!!!!!"