FUN STUFF: August 2013

The Stolen Car

Several days ago as I left a meeting in the church, I was looking for my keys.

They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the k

eys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered…I always call her "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence.

I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard her voice.

"Idiot", she barked, "I dropped you off!"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

She retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car !!!!!"

Too good to resist

Mike and Yvonne were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they carefully watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to Yvonne's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'

Mike asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'

Mike looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth..

'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled Mike..

'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch.

'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to Mike. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'

Mike looked around and nervously asked Yvonne 'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?'

'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'

'No gym to work out at?' said Mike

'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.

'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'

'Never again'

Mike glared at Yvonne and said, 'You and your F***** Bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!'

Have A Happy Life And Give someone A Smile..

Five Funny Masculine Moments

Funny Pranks

Wife

पत्नी :

पत्नी नामक प्राणी भारत सहित पुरे विश्व में बहुताय पाई जाती है. प्राचीन समय में यह भोजन शाला में पायी जाती थी, लेकिन वर्तमान में यह शौपिंग मोल्स, theaters, व् रेस्तौरेंट्स के नजदीक विचरती हुई अधिक पायी जाती है. पहले इस प्रजाति में लम्बे बाल, सुन्दर आकृति व् पुरे वस्त्र प्रायः पाये जाते थे, लेकिन अब छोटे बाल, अतयन्त छोटे वस्त्र, कत्रिम श्वेत मुख, रक्त के सामान होठ सामान्य रूप से देखे जा सकते है. इनका मुख्य आहार पति नामक मूक प्राणी होता है. भारत में इन्हें धर्म पत्नी, भाग्यवती, लक्ष्मी नामो से भी जाना जाता है.अधिक बोलना, अकारण झगड़ना, अति व्यय करना, इस प्रजाति के मुख्य लक्षणों में से है. हलाकि इस प्रजाति पर सम्पूर्ण अध्यन करना संभव नहीं है,किन्तु सामान्यतः इनके निम्न प्रकार होते है

१. सुशिल पत्नी - यह प्रजाति अब विलूप्त हो चुकी है. इस प्रजाति की प्राणी सुशिल व् सहनशील होते थे और घरो में ज्यादा पाये जाते थे.

२. आक्रमक पत्नी - यह प्रजाति भारत सहित पुरे विश्व में बहुत अधिक मात्रा में पायी जाती है. ये अपनी आक्रामक शेली, व् तेज प्रहार के लिए जानी जाती है.समय आने पर ये बेलन, झाड़ू व् चरण पादुका का उपयोग अधिक करती है.

३. झगडालू पत्नी - यह प्रजाति भी वर्तमान में सभी जगह पायी जाती है. इन्हें जॊर से बोलना व् झगडा करना अतंत्य पसंद होता है. इनका अधिकतर सामना "सास" नामक एक और अतंत्य खतरनाक प्राणी हे होता है.

४. खर्चीली पत्नी - भारत जैसे गरीब देश में भी पत्नियों की ये प्रजाति निरर्न्तर बढती जा रही है. इनकी मुख्य आदतों में क्रेडिट कार्ड रखना, बिना विचार किये खर्च करना और बिना जरूरत वस्तुए खरीदना है. इस प्रजाति के साथ पति नामक प्राणी को चप्पल में थका हुआ पीछे पीछे घूमते देखा जा सकता है.

५. नखरीली पत्नी - इस प्रजाति के प्राणी अधिकतर आयने के सामने देखी जातीहै. इनके होठ रक्त के सामान लाल, नाख़ून बड़े बड़े, केश सतरंगी और चहरा श्वेत पाउडर से लीपा होता है. इन्हें भोजन शाला में जाना और काम करना नापसंदहोता है.

चेतावनी - पति नामक प्राणी के लिए इस प्रजाति के प्राणी अतंत्य खतरनाक व् आक्रामक होते है. इन्हें साड़ी, गिफ्ट्स, फ्लावर्स के द्वारा कुछ समय के लिएनियंत्रित किया जा सकता है.