Watching TV

A couple watching an IPL match on the TV together. After five minutes:

 

Wife: Is that Bret Lee?
Husband: No. He is Chris Gayle. Bret Lee is the bowler.

 

Wife: Bret Lee is smart. He should be in the movies like his brother.
Husband: He does not have an actor brother.

 

Wife: What about Bruce Lee?
Husband: No no, Bret Lee is an Australian.

 

Wife: OK. Look. Another wicket in just two minutes.
Husband: No. It is called action replay.

 

Wife: Looks like India is going to win this one.
Husband: It is not India. It is Bangalore vs Kolkatta.

 

Wife: Why is the umpire calling for a helicopter?
Husband: He is not calling for a helicopter. It's a free hit.
Wife: Did the spectators not pay for the tickets? Why is it a Free Hit?

 

Wife: Now whom is he saying 'HI' to?
Husband: He is signalling a 'Bye'.
Wife: Why is he saying 'Bye. Is the game over?

 

Wife: How many runs to win?
Husband: 72 in 36 balls
Wife: Ah. That is easy. Just 2 runs in 1 ball.

 

Frustrated husband turns off the TV. Wife turns it on and watches " Saas bhi kabhi bahu thi '
Husband: Who is this Tulsi?
Wife: Don't you dare disturb me... 

 

 

Indian Photography...The Top 4 Poses!!!

The top 4 poses ....INDIANS

Pose No. 1

Please don’t laugh…



Pose No. 2

Ok... just wait…check this one

Pose No. 3

And the winner is

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Funtime

True Friends: Men or Women

Women:
A wife was not at home for the whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her
girlfriend's apartment overnight. So, the husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them confirms that.


Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's
apartment overnight. So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartment that night and
another 5 are claiming that he is still with them.

Imagine yourself in a Sprite Ad 

Your Colleague: Hey!! Kya yahan baitha mail forward karta rahta hai yaar !! 
              Naye projects seekh..... 
              Fatafat Go Live kara...... 
              Overtime kar after 9:00 PM... like me....! 
              Do something gooood man !! 

You    : Achha! To usse Kya hoga .. 

Your Colleague : Impression!! ! Appraisal !!! 
            Har appraisal main tu No 1! 
            Hike in salary !! Extra Stocks for the company!! 

You :    Phir kya hoga… 

Your Colleague : Manager ban jaayega..Phir Sr Manager !!! 
             Phir AVP!! One day U will be a 
             VP of the Company man !! 

You  : Acchha to phir kya hoga… 

Your Colleague : Abe phir tu aish karega! Koi kaam nahin karna padega ! 
             Araam se office aayega aur MAIL check karega. 

You  : To ab main kya kar raha hoon???? 


"Dikhawe pe na jao, apni akal lagao. Hard Work hai waste, trust only copy-paste " 

Powered by ctrl C 
Driven by ctrl V  

You could have............

 

        An old
married couple is traveling by car. Being
seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road,
they were too tired to continue and decided to
take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for
four hours and then get back on the road.

When they checked
out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them
a bill for $350.00.

The man explodes
and demands to know why the charge is so high.
He told the clerk although it's a nice hotel;
the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for
four hours. Then the clerk tells him that
$350.00 is the 'standard rate'. He insisted on
speaking to the Manager.

The Manager
appears, listens to him, and then explains that
the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge
conference centre that were available for us to
use.

"But we didn't use
them," the husband said.

"Well, they are
here, and you could have," explained the
Manager.

The Manager went on
to explain that the couple could also have taken
in one of the shows for which the hotel is
famous. "We have the best entertainers from New
York , Hollywood ,and Las Vegas perform here,"
the Manager says.

"But we didn't go
to any of those shows," the husband said.

"Well, we have
them, and you could have," the Manager replied.

No matter what
amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband
replied, "But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is
unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and
agreed to pay. As he didn't have the check book,
he asked his wife to write the check. She did
and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager is
surprised when he looks at the check. "But
ma'am, this is made out for only $50.00."

"That's correct. I
charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she
replied.

"But I didn't!"
exclaims the Manager.

"Well, too bad, I
was here, and you could have."

Disadvantages Of Being A Man

Men – God’s Beta Version

Disadvantages Of Being A Man. 

1. You work your entire life making money just to get a wife. 

2. You have to act tough no matter your fears. 

3. After buying a ring, you'll need a woman to confirm whether you get married or not. 

4. You spend millions to make your wedding a success, and your wife takes the glory. 

5. You work extra hours after marriage. 

6. You give money for house keeping and you get to eat only dinner. 

7. You work hard to make properties just to make a will for your wife and children. 

8. You spend your hard earned money to take your children to school and when they grow up 

they celebrate mothers' day....!

Don’t worry! To compensate… we celebrate………. Fathers’ Day…………

Fresh Fun Pics

Kids are Kids

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. 

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. 

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. 

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. 

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'. 

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?' 

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'. 

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. 

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. 

The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.' 

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.' 

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.' 

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. 

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?' 

Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.' 

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?' 

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' 

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.' 

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.' 

'Yes,' the class said. 

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?' 

A little fellow shouted, 

'Cause your feet ain't empty.' 

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 

'Take only ONE . God is watching.' 

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. 

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'

One Tough Lady

One Tough Lady!

 

Woman Stops Grizzly Attack With 25 Calibre Pistol .........

This is a story of self control and marksmanship with an itsy bitsy shooter by a woman against a fierce predator.

What is the smallest calibre you trust to protect yourself?

The Beretta Jetfire:

Story as narrated by Wendy Hall ............

While out hiking in Alberta, Canada with my husband, we were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.

If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would not be here today! .....

  

Just one shot to my husband's knee cap was all it took...

The bear got him and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.....

It's one of the best pistols in my collection.

 

Men are Funny

Fun With Dogs

THE SECRET TO A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE

THE SECRET TO A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE

Once I asked my friend, "What is the secret behind your Happy Married Life?"

He said "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

I asked "Can you explain?"

He said "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my Wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

Still not convinced, i asked him "Give me some examples".

He said "Smaller issues like,
which car we should buy,
how much amount to save,
when to visit the super market, when & where to go on vacation,
which sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy.
Monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc. Are all decided by my wife. I just agree to it "

I asked "Then, what is your role?"

He said "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanctions over Zimbabwe, whether to widen the Sri Lankan economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire from Cricket , Whom should Salman Khan Marry. etc etc. and do you know, my wife, NEVER, objects to any of these decisions".